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| Author | Post | ||
| *HmS*Proteus |
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   Registered Member #1341 Joined: Sat Jul 29 2006Location: Chesterfield, England Posts: 487 |  blonde's word processor | ||
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| *HmS*grunt |
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Life is like a box of chocolates...   Registered Member #14 Joined: Sat Dec 20 2003Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 2646 | Blonde Guy A Blonde Guy Gets Home Early From Work And Hears Strange Noises Coming From The Bedroom. He Rushes Upstairs To Find His Wife Naked On The Bed, Sweating And Panting. "What's Up?" He Says. "I'm Having A Heart Attack," Cries The Woman. He Rushes Downstairs To Grab The Phone, But Just As He's Dialing, His 4-Year-Old Son Comes Up And Says "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's Hiding In Your Closet And He's Got No Clothes On!" The Guy Slams The Phone Down And Storms Upstairs Into The Bedroom, Past His Screaming Wife, And Rips Open The Wardrobe Door. Sure Enough, There Is His Brother, Totally Naked, Cowering On The Closet Floor. "You Rotten S.O.B.," Says The Husband, "My Wife's Having A Heart Attack And You're Running Around Naked Scaring The Kids!" | ||
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| Deep Six |
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 Registered Member #60 Joined: Tue Jan 13 2004Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin U.S.A. Posts: 674 | A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in, and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. "Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." He sighed....... "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......." | ||
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| *HmS*deathwish |
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 Registered Member #345 Joined: Sun Oct 31 2004Location: peterborough. uk Posts: 821 | A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats". Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger. First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Second Blonde: Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down! A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer." A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157." The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?" | ||
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| *HmS*Proteus |
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| Registered Member #1341 Joined: Sat Jul 29 2006Location: Chesterfield, England Posts: 487 | what do you call a faithful and intelligent blonde? A Golden Retriever | ||
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| *HmS*Ole Fart |
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 Registered Member #432 Joined: Tue Dec 28 2004Location: Spanish Fork UT Posts: 1681 | I am surprised that HmS Halaka has not jumped in here and ripped you all a new one. lol | ||
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| *HmS*Proteus |
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| Registered Member #1341 Joined: Sat Jul 29 2006Location: Chesterfield, England Posts: 487 | I absolutely and totaly refuse to make any blonde jokes regarding Halkatla, sorry, I didnt know she was blonde. (can Blondes understand irony??) | ||
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| *HmS* Halkatla |
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Halkatla Registered Member #674 Joined: Wed Jun 08 2005Location: Skåne / Sweden Posts: 568 |  Yes I am... A blonde  U guys keep on having fun.. :) If u do offend me u will notice that..  lol | ||
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| *HmS*Ole Fart |
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| Registered Member #432 Joined: Tue Dec 28 2004Location: Spanish Fork UT Posts: 1681 | I got faith in Halkatla she could clean any ones clock with a single punch lol go mia you are my hero | ||
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| *HmS*black monk |
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black monk Registered Member #1439 Joined: Fri Sep 29 2006Location: Brightlingsea, England Posts: 395 | I don't know if this is in the right place. Is it a blonde thing or the american education? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IeUK-cLJlY | ||
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| *HmS*Proteus |
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| Registered Member #1341 Joined: Sat Jul 29 2006Location: Chesterfield, England Posts: 487 | could be a combination of both monk. PS they speak french in Canada don't they?? | ||
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| NUT ACE |
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picard Registered Member #1450 Joined: Wed Oct 11 2006Location: The Netherlands Posts: 635 | Wow...Blond and from the south...you can't blame her...  | ||
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| *HmS*Tiger |
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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. Registered Member #343 Joined: Fri Oct 29 2004Location: Baton Rouge, LA USA Posts: 1490 | Seven Degrees of Blonds FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear." `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*: -,_ ,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:* SECOND DEGREE Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me !" `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:- , _,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:* THIRD DEGREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!" `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*´`´ -., _,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:* FOURTH DEGREE A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W." `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*: -., _,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:* FIFTH DEGREE What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?" `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*: -., _,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:* SIXTH DEGREE Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware." `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*: -., _,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:* SEVENTH DEGREE Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman." | ||
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| NUT ACE |
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| picard Registered Member #1450 Joined: Wed Oct 11 2006Location: The Netherlands Posts: 635 | EIGHTH DEGREE two blonds are walking along the river, each on one side of it, when they spot each other...One yells across the river "How do I get on the other side??" The other answers "That's easy..You are already there!" NUT ACE out... | ||
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| *HmS*Tiger |
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| The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. Registered Member #343 Joined: Fri Oct 29 2004Location: Baton Rouge, LA USA Posts: 1490 | Vern, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM . He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Vern and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Vern says, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Vern placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Vern, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Vern replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump." The blond replied, "I did, too; but I didn't think he'd do it again." Vern took the money. | ||
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