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| *HmS*grunt |
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Life is like a box of chocolates...    Registered Member #14 Joined: Sat Dec 20 2003Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 2646 | Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9". Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade." Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs." Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets." Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants" Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid? Harry: "Coconut." The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer. Harry: "Bubble gum" Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" Harry: "Shake hands." The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" Harry: "Fire truck" The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong. | ||
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| *HmS*Tiger |
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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. Registered Member #343 Joined: Fri Oct 29 2004Location: Baton Rouge, LA USA Posts: 1490 | A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year." They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year. "The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him." They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one." The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow." NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery | ||
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| Deep Six |
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  Registered Member #60 Joined: Tue Jan 13 2004Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin U.S.A. Posts: 674 | A 17 year old girl sheepishly approached her father to inform him she was pregnant... "WHAT!?!" exclaimed the father. "After the way we raised you and taught you about boys and...Who's the father?! I want to see him right now!! NOW!!!" So the daughter gets on the phone: "Yeah...no we were right he wants to meet you. Can you come over right away? Thanks..." So the father waits in the doorway with his shotgun loaded and ready. Up pulls a stretch limosine. A man in his mid fifties gets out after the chauffer opens the door for him. The chauffer then escorts the man up to the door and knocks for him. After some awkward greetings the man is standing in the living room with the father and daughter. "Look, I know this is hard," the man explained, "But I can't marry your daughter. I'm 55 years old and I have my own family. But as you can see I have a little bit of wealth and I plan on taking care of the child your daughter is carrying. If it's a boy, I own several factories around the world and I'll give him one and he'll be set for life. If your daughter has a girl, I also own several shopping malls around the world. I'll give her a shopping mall and she'll be set for the rest of her life. If it's twins, whatever the combination boys will get factories and girls will get malls. God forbid anything happen and she loses the child..." The father quickly lunged in and grabbed the man's arm. "If anything happens to the fetus you'll f--- her again right?" (30) | ||
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