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| *HmS*deathwish |
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   Registered Member #345 Joined: Sun Oct 31 2004Location: peterborough. uk Posts: 821 | 15 channels, you lucky s*d we in england only had 3 channels in the 1980 | ||
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| *HmS*cervessaman |
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hey all Registered Member #1086 Joined: Wed Feb 08 2006Location: netherlands/Oss Posts: 506 | y it is exactly that way     | ||
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| *HmS*Proteus |
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  Registered Member #1341 Joined: Sat Jul 29 2006Location: Chesterfield, England Posts: 487 | *HmS*deathwish wrote ... 15 channels, you lucky s*d we in england only had 3 channels in the 1980 True Deathwish, i remember how excited we were when channel 4 started | ||
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| Griffin |
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  Registered Member #1618 Joined: Sun Feb 18 2007Location: Glasgow Scotland Posts: 87 | I remember being off sick just before C4 launched and they where doing test transmissions my mother was busy doing all the house hold stuff etc and did not notice me sitting goggle eyed at a test program an in depth access all areas report on the crazy horse in Paris lol | ||
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| *HmS*Cardinal |
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I am root. If you see me laughing, you‘d better have a backup! Registered Member #1489 Joined: Sat Nov 11 2006Location: Münster (Westphalia), Germany Posts: 1216 | I still remember watching TV on a black and white TV screen, 3 channels only  (and playing Pong on that TV, that was fun!).Ahhhh, the good old times! ... cough...  | ||
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| *HmS*deathwish |
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| Registered Member #345 Joined: Sun Oct 31 2004Location: peterborough. uk Posts: 821 | my first tv was a 7" black and white went i was 10. my son has got 22" colour tv with sky and dvd player and he 4  [ Edited Sun Apr 27 2008 ] | ||
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| *HmS*Quick |
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 Registered Member #143 Joined: Mon Mar 29 2004Location: Georgia, USA Posts: 1700 | The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.' 'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?' 'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'. After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?' 'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.' 'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!' 'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.' 'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith. 'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.' 'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said. 'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. 'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.' 'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith. 'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look' 'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. 'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.' Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?' 'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.' 'Tripod?' 'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.' Mrs. Smith fainted. | ||
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| *HmS*black monk |
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black monk Registered Member #1439 Joined: Fri Sep 29 2006Location: Brightlingsea, England Posts: 395 | Joke from a penguin wrapper: Why do penguins win the race? Because there always in pole-postion | ||
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| *HmS*Proteus |
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| Registered Member #1341 Joined: Sat Jul 29 2006Location: Chesterfield, England Posts: 487 | monk, if ever i see you in the sniper server, you are going to get special treatment for that joke   | ||
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| *HmS*black monk |
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| black monk Registered Member #1439 Joined: Fri Sep 29 2006Location: Brightlingsea, England Posts: 395 | Proteus--UK wrote ... monk, if ever i see you in the sniper server, you are going to get special treatment for that joke Here's another 2 for you. Why do penguins carry fish in there beaks? Because they don't have pockets. What do the mother penguins say to their children before they go out and play? BEAK careful. | ||
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| *HmS*Tiger |
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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. Registered Member #343 Joined: Fri Oct 29 2004Location: Baton Rouge, LA USA Posts: 1490 | A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.' The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.' She rolled her eyes and said, 'You must be a Conservative.' 'I am,' replied the man. 'How did you know?' ‘Well,’ answered the balloonist, 'everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me.' The man smiled and responded, 'You must be a Liberal or an NDP'er.' 'I am,' replied the balloonist. 'How did you know?' 'Well,' said the man, ‘you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault.' | ||
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| *HmS*deathwish |
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| Registered Member #345 Joined: Sun Oct 31 2004Location: peterborough. uk Posts: 821 | Think you are having a bad day? Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. but keep reading...... Still think you're having a bad day? A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors. His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband. While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet. After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched. As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm. Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse... The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdes oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both. Still think you are having a bad day? A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman. STILL think you're having a bad day? Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death. What?! STILL having a bad day?? Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnaje t didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'return to sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now, feeling better? | ||
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| *HmS*Tiger |
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| The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. Registered Member #343 Joined: Fri Oct 29 2004Location: Baton Rouge, LA USA Posts: 1490 | One day an old German shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old German shepherd thinks, 'Oops, I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old German shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?' Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him, and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the leopard, 'that was close! That old German shepherd nearly had me!' Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard, so off he goes. But the old German shepherd sees him heading after the leopard with great speed and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!' The old German shepherd sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?' But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German shepherd says: 'Where's that doggone monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!' Moral of this story... Don't mess with old dogs... age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! | ||
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| NUT ACE |
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picard Registered Member #1450 Joined: Wed Oct 11 2006Location: The Netherlands Posts: 635 | HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well : Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. < /P> < /SPAN> This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you', and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God'. THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+. | ||
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| Kovoet |
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Kovoet Registered Member #1666 Joined: Thu Mar 29 2007Location: London Posts: 445 | LOL Monks sick jokes, hows this one. Why did the pigs go wee wee all the way home Because the Wolf told them to p**s off home | ||
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