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Advantages of being a women!


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*HmS* Rambo Rob

Fri Apr 29 2005

Registered Member #594

Joined: Wed Apr 06 2005
Location: United Kingdom, Wales
Posts: 236

Here are the advantages of being a women.. (72) (47)
I hope u enjoy em if ur feeling down today...

Why it's better to be a Woman!

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

Thanks again, speak again soon peeps..

RAMBO ROB! (17) (36) (38) (27) (65) (93) (94) (99)

*HmS*OBB

Sun May 15 2005

Guest

PREGNANCY QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Here are some real answers to some real questions regarding
pregnancy:

Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
A. Have sex once a year.

Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is A-negative. What
if my baby is born, say, type AB-positive?
A. Then the jig is up.

Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be
beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A. Your therapist.

Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and
genes for big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose
as well. Is this true?
A. The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes
she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while
my wife is in labor?
A. No, not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to
feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet
have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed
at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
A. Depends on what you're doing with them.

Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. Cause you're fatter then they are.

Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?
A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves.

Q. Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring
on labor?
A. When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

Q. What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a
Playboy centerfold?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,
but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in
that delicate position?
A. Authorized personnel only-doctors, nurses, oderlies, photographers,
florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.

Q. What is the grasp reflex?
A. The reaction of new fathers when they see a new mother's breasts.

Q. Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A. Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast
and puts him to sleep first.

Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?
A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global
chemical warfare.

Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q. What causes baby blues?
A. Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos.

Q. What is colic?
A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control.

Q. What are night terrors?
A. Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's
pregnant again.

Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather
than briefs?
A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear
anything at all.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant

Fatal things to say to a pregnant woman

"I finished the Oreos."

"Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."

"Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!

"I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"

"Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."

"Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from
that Richard Simmons fella."

"Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea.
Boy, that's gotta hurt."

"Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"

"I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"

"Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

"Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."

"Got milk ?"

"Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."

"Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

"Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."

"You don't have the guts to pull the trigger........."

"Get your *own* ice cream, Buddha

(72)

XAN

Wed May 18 2005

Registered Member #2

Joined: Fri Dec 19 2003
Location: Finland
Posts: 234

I will give a funeral to one myth. Women always can not do two things at a time. Just a reminder from work today lol.

A a MailMan right now we have a lot of things going on at the same time. So Told a " WOMEN " or a 23Y female to do this and that, no reply on the order though. Asked her this simple Q , Should you women not be able to do two things at the same time (12) . So, just a Q to that (72) .

Well (48) Sorry if I got it up... (50) I said. (37) Zone almoust, but got a good reason. She was reading her SMS and replying (15) (41) (39) . (77) (100) Story to be continued as not received the answer yet of the myth. (52)
<span class='smallblacktext'>[ Edited Wed May 18 2005 ]</span>

*HmS*Tiger

Sat Jun 04 2005

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

Registered Member #343

Joined: Fri Oct 29 2004
Location: Baton Rouge, LA USA
Posts: 1490

Why ARE Men Happier ?

Men Are Just Happier People-- Because...... :)

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is
just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut
on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000, Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier... lol


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