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| Author | Post | ||
| KILLER! |
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 Registered Member #190 Joined: Thu May 13 2004Location: Hayling Island, Hampshire. (uk) Posts: 130 | Sorry for any Welsh members What do you call a Welshman with a lot of lovers? A shepherd | ||
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| Zozo |
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  Registered Member #59 Joined: Tue Jan 13 2004Location: Lincolnshire Posts: 6 | Sorry to all the men out there. !!!Two men walked into a bar!!! !!!That must have hurt!!! lol lol lol (55) | ||
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| BonJovi-Fed |
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 Registered Member #302 Joined: Sat Oct 02 2004Location: Notts Posts: 27 | What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck. -------------------------------- What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale? A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this crap." -------------------------------- 1 for the ladies For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" here's an update for you ... Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage. | ||
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| *HmS*OBB |
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| Guest | Finally, Some acceptable common sense!! Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you livelonger; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your Recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: I Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good>Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO ... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets and remember, "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!" (67) | ||
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| azz-kikker |
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| Registered Member #314 Joined: Sat Oct 16 2004Location: southampton uk. Posts: 14 | Farmer walks into the barn and sees the old farmhand hanging from a beam with a rope around his waist. Farmer says "what ya doin' that fer"? Hand says "committing suicide"! Farmer says "to commit suicide you put the rope around yer neck"!! Hand says"tried that once ....nearly killed meself..... lol (14) | ||
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| *HmS*Trevor |
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    Registered Member #35 Joined: Tue Dec 30 2003Location: Lincolnshire England Posts: 2080 | Scotish police have been hunting a burgular for the past 2 years, his trademark is to wear suade glovs, after turning to DNA profiling they have finaly made and arrest. A goat in the Alps (99) | ||
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