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airplane jokes....


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trooperAZ

Fri Apr 09 2010

Registered Member #2496

Joined: Sun Nov 22 2009
Location: Tucson Arizona, bentonville AR, raleigh NC
Posts: 35

> *Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
> school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in
> our jobs.
>
>
> After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe
> sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
>
> The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
> and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never
> let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
>
>
> Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS' pilots
> (Marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
> Maintenance engineers.
>
>
> By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
> accident.
>
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
>
> S: Something tightened in cockpit
>
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
> descent.
>
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
>
> S: Evidence removed.
>
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>
> S: That's what friction locks are for.
>
>
> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
>
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny . (I love this one!)
>
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
>
> P: Target radar hums.
>
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
>
> S: Cat installed.
>
>
> And the best one for last..................
>
>
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
> pounding on something with a hammer.
>
> S: Took hammer away from midget.*
>
> P: Noise coming from overhead bin,metal clankling and odd drill sound.
>
>
>
> S: Inflight mechanic, stored in overhead bin for ease of problems * told you we find out what your doing with our plane!

* the last one is true!